The Moment I Realized I Was Free: My First Solo Trip + Living on My Own Terms

I have always done exactly what I wanted to do.

That sounds rebellious, and maybe it is.

But it’s also practical and has served me well in my 32 years. I don’t do things I don’t want to do. I don’t stay where I don’t want to stay. I don’t commit to anything that doesn’t bring me joy or doesn’t ignite my passions.

I’m told I was this way even as a toddler.

From childhood, travel was always a goal of mine. I was and am still an avid reader. My favorite Dr. Seuss book was Oh, the Places You'll Go! and I spent a good amount of time obsessing over The Magic Treehouse series.

Even as a teacher making modest money, I saved specifically for travel. When I told my family I was going to New Orleans alone in the summer of 2017, they were nervous. Unsurprisingly, nothing about their nervousness made me hesitate. If anything, the rebel in me felt like I was making the right decision if they were nervous.

I took the trip that faithful summer of 2017, and that set forth an ongoing series of solo travels that have framed my life and have largely defined who I am.

I remember wandering aimlessly through the French Quarter for half a day and feeling the most like myself I had ever felt. In that moment and nearly every travel moment I’ve had since then, I have felt at home within myself.

A sense of accomplishment also washed over me. I had made a plan, set a goal, saved the money, and booked the flight. I had executed. That sequence, to me, was autonomy in its purest form.

That was when I truly understood as an adult that freedom isn’t about being untethered from responsibility but rather honoring your own decisions and upholding what you value.

I felt curious and I felt brave, two qualities that remain most important to me 9 years later.

The Freedom in My Body

People talk about freedom conceptually, but I feel it physically.

It is a powerful feeling to navigate any destination alone and to have a moment of realization in the moment that you are capable of doing this thing that feels so scary to many other people.

I have always been fearless in the sense that I don’t let fear make decisions for me.

As much as I’m obligated to pay bills and be an upstanding citizen, I also treat my desires as obligations, meaning they are not optional for me. They are always opportunities for me to expand toward and grow from regardless of any obstacle or hurdle I face to get there.

What I Had to Unlearn

To experience this kind of freedom, I had to unlearn a few things.

I was always proud of my independence, and I had to unlearn that independence is not selfish. Choosing yourself holistically and setting goals for yourself are necessary.

I also had to unlearn that women, especially Black women, need constant supervision or accompaniment for safety or validation. I am capable of navigating spaces alone and making decisions that do not put me in harm’s way.

I had to unlearn the idea that life is something that begins after partnership or always in the company of others.

I never was one to shrink, but I became more and more comfortable with the idea of taking up space by myself. When I make a decision, I may give my community the courtesy of informing them, but it isn’t a poll or up for discussion. I wish this agency for more Black women—to be able to trust their own internal compass.

I’ve Expanded to Greater Freedom

It’s been nine years.

I wouldn’t say I’ve been chasing a high, but I have been committed to increasing my level of freedom as I age. That first solo trip was proof of concept, and since then, I’ve only pushed my boundaries more.

Freedom is not necessarily about physical location so much as it’s about refusing to feel boxed into one place, one routine, one identity, or one way of thinking.

It’s about knowing that if something feels restrictive, I have the power to move.

That doesn’t mean abandoning responsibility. It just means acknowledging that I have the privilege to design my life.

If You Want to Feel Free Too

If you’re reading this and wondering how to access that kind of freedom, especially through solo travel, here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Make it concrete. Freedom isn’t abstract. Pick a destination. Pick a date. Create a savings goal. Put numbers to the dream.

2. Separate fear from intuition. Fear makes you prioritize what may go wrong rather than what may go right. Listening more closely to your intuition helps you know the difference.

3. Save with intention. Even when I didn’t make much money, I saved for travel specifically. I somehow took trips to New Orleans, Atlanta, Joshua Tree and Cuba within a year’s time on a teacher’s salary. If something is important to you, you’ll find a way.

4. Start where you are. If a flight feels overwhelming, start with a solo dinner. A solo museum visit. A day trip. Build your tolerance for being out in the world alone.

5. Stop waiting for the perfect moment. There will always be a reason to delay and goals are not always convenient. There is no moment where we are fully ready for anything. Once you make the decision, just go.

6. Trust your ability to adapt. You are more capable than you think. The first time you navigate something unfamiliar alone will prove this to you. You will want to rise to the occasion, and you’ll be glad you did.

That summer in New Orleans didn’t make me free. I learned that I already was, because freedom is a mentality and a way of being.

Once you have proof that you can design your own life and that there is nothing to be afraid of, you can set a goal and carry yourself toward it, keeping in mind that once you do, it will be difficult to go back to confinement.

Freedom is a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.