I Travel Solo. I Should Date the Same Way.

When I travel alone, I am the main character. I’ve been the main character for 9 years as a solo traveler and nearly 32 years as a human.

My trips revolve around what I want. I choose the destination. I book the flight. I decide where I stay. I wake up when I feel like it.

I trust myself to navigate foreign countries, unfamiliar streets, and places where I may not know the native language. Using instinct in these scenarios doesn’t necessarily challenge me, and if ever it has felt like a challenge, it’s one I’m happy to approach.

I have incredible focus and clarity when I’m traveling. I’m able to quickly decide what I do and don’t like, and I don’t shame myself for wanting better.

In relationships though? I have often negotiated with discomfort. I sometimes question my intuition, explain away red flags, or maybe most frustratingly, accept bare-minimum effort.

 Recently, I’ve thought often about all that I’m willing to do for and give to myself myself that I don't always have the courage to require of men. I’m exceptionally in tuned with myself as a solo traveler, so why doesn’t this naturally translate into what feels good in relationships?

If I can research thoroughly, vet carefully, and ask detailed questions when I travel, then surely I can walk away from a person that doesn’t feel aligned with me in dating. I don’t have to overthink, rationalize or justify. I’m allowed to decide that just because something is available doesn’t mean it’s for me.

Travel has shown me that I actually do know what feels good.

I know what it feels like to wake up in a space that energizes me.

I know what it feels like to be excited about the day ahead.

I know what it feels like to live in a world where I don’t have to shrink.

Why would I accept a relationship that feels smaller than that?

When I travel, I give myself effort. I love adventure and playful experiences as much as I love history and educational experiences. I invest in quality, easily make connections, and have life-changing conversations with strangers. I don’t beg anyone to join me, and I don’t chase anything that isn’t mine to have.

I just go.

To me, there has always been something powerful about being a woman who just goes. A woman that can dine and wander streets alone. A woman that holds her own and trusts herself in unfamiliar spaces. I recognize that discomfort is information to process, not something to run from and avoid.

That’s the woman I am when I travel.

And that’s the woman I need to be in love.

The woman who doesn’t ignore her intuition.

The woman who doesn’t stay in a dynamic that feels off.

The woman who knows that peace is a baseline and not something I have to earn.

Travel has taught me that clarity and confidence is kindness to myself. It has also taught me that I don’t have to prove i’m worthy of good experiences. I just have to choose them.

So maybe dating the same way I travel means this:

I remain the main character.

I stay attuned to what feels expansive and embrace the bigness of my life and who I am at my core. I don’t apologize having standards. I trust my instincts the way I do when I’m walking down a street I’ve never seen before.

If I can have this confidence on safari in Kenya, navigating the market in Guatemala, or wandering the medina in Morocco, then I can have this same confidence in dating.

And if I know how to be intentional, experience joy, and set a standard for any destination I travel to, then I can require that same level of intention, joy, and thoughtfulness from the person I choose to share my life with.

I travel solo. I should date the same way.